Before 2015 became a head-scratching year for online poker aficionados, the poker world was abuzz with speculation as to how the PokerStars brand would adapt under the leadership of former Amaya CEO David Baazov.
While we in the poker media were busy estimating Spin & Go conversion rates into traditional games, some diehard Burning Man attendees (allegedly high volume poker players) were occupied with their own bit of research. Namely, trying to decipher which Cannabis Sativa strain was responsible for David Baazov investors’ $4.9 billion purchase of Rational Group’s assets — and avoiding it like The Plague.
If you’re to believe what comes out of the PokerStars PR machine these days, formal insider trading charges levied against the industry’s highest profile executive aren’t enough to quench his thirst for big time acquisitions. Now it seems the embattled 30-something sideshow wants to give it another go…and purchase the company he led for a price tag that we assume is south of mid-ten figures.
So without further ado, it’s time to delve into some author-created comedy relief that focuses on the industry’s trending scapegoat.
Baazov Decides to Become More Involved in Poker
While at the 2016 PCA, a colleague informed the then-CEO that a live tournament was about to start with a buy-in of “Five Dimes,” so Baazov headed to the cage with some pocket change.
High Volume Player Breaks The Case
Once the Canadian AMF charged Baazov with insider trading, the government entity received an anonymous tip from a high volume PokerStars player who claimed to know “what really happened.”
A sit-down was arranged (obviously in a nondescript building) and with the recorders rolling, the player bluntly informed the AMF that it all boiled down to nothing more than a “Communication Error” and walked out.
The Old Standby
Why did David Baazov cross the road? He had insider information on how to get to the other side.
(submission by PokerUpdate writer Jennifer Newell)
The Obligatory Chuck Norris Joke
David Baazov and Chuck Norris walk into a bar. The Total Gym guru is comped the drink of his choice as Baazov heads over to the pool table to line up investors for a draft beer.
Shout Out to Timex & Papi
Never quick to hold a grudge, Poker Life Podcast host Joey Ingram and Global Poker League team member Mike McDonald offer to teach David Baazov the nuances of passive-aggressive interaction with the opposite sex.
Ingram walks up to the first female he sees and says, “I’m usually not a fan of hot pink, but that top you’re wearing is ultra-GTO.”
McDonald walks up to the first female he sees and says, “I have nothing against luxury automobiles, but a bed is definitely more adequate for lovemaking.”
Baazov walks up to the first female he sees and says, “I’m not much on dating, but I’ll reconsider if you buy me a company.”
Needing funds to “vigorously contest” insider trading charges, Baazov was delighted to hear that an old friend was willing to attend a special event for his legal fund.
When his buddy inquired what time the function would begin, Baazov asked, “What time can you get here?”