Dan Bilzerian has announced that he plans to run for President of the United States in 2016. If he were to win, he would become the youngest President in the history of our nation.
While some think this is a mere publicity stunt, and perhaps it is, there may be something to this campaign. Below are seven reasons that Dan Bilzerian should run for President in 2016.
He Supports the Second Amendment
Bilzerian is an avid supporter of the second amendment. According to reports, he owns nearly 100 guns and would become the instant champion for gun toting American everywhere. Some in Congress, such as California Congressman Dana Rohrabacher already support his stance on guns.
Bilzerian could even replace the late Charlton Heston as the face of the National Rifle Association, as long as they overlook that minor explosives incident.
He Supports Legalized Online Poker
While more known for his live poker exploits, Bilzerian is certainly a supporter of online poker and would be instrumental in getting it legalized at a national level. Well, national minus Utah because it is ok to have six wives but online poker is a sin.
You Would Know Where He Stands on All Matters of Policy
If there’s one thing about Bilzerian that people love and hate about him, it’s his bluntness. He will tell you what is on his mind because he doesn’t give a damn about what you think and that would roll over into his presidency.
While he many not be a media darling, the American public would know where he stands on matters of policy foreign and domestic. If you don’t like his policy, vote him out in four years. But you won’t, because you’re a weakling and he’ll call you that to your face too.
We Need a Beard in the White House
The one thing that the presidency has been lacking for over a century is a beard. The last President who sported a beard was Benjamin Harrison from 1889–1893. For 122 years the office has lacked that rugged look that lets the world know you’re dealing with a real man. Bilzerian can bring the beard back to the White House.
Most Social President Ever
Just like Obama, Bilzerian loves his social media. He is a social media superstar with millions of followers on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. You think his posts are wild now, just imagine what they would be if he becomes President.
We would get unprecedented access to the Oval Office as never before. The tabloids and media will have a field day with Bilzerian, as every day could be a new “scandal.”
The Ultimate Commander In Chief
Not only is Bilzerian ex-military but he was an ex-Navy Seal in training. While he was administratively booted from the program a couple days shy of graduation, he still carries military cred that recent Presidents have lacked.
If we were forced into a military skirmish overseas, we could well see him go over and take command from the trenches. He’ll put a boot in your ass; it’s the Bilzerian way.
He Supports Freedom
Experience has shown us that while every President claims to support freedom while running for office, once in office they fall back into the political machine and do what is necessary to either get reelected or advance their party.
Bilzerian doesn’t have a party, except for the party at the White House pool at 4 p.m. Don’t forget your towels and condoms. When he gets in office, he will pursue policies that will make us free because that’s how he rolls.
If we want to have gay weddings serving pot brownies while playing online poker drinking 200 proof tequila while watching Daisy Does Dallas while singing “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It’s Flavor,” he will support it. Why? Because America, that’s why.
Trim the Bush, send the Clintons to the old folks home and let’s vote a real American into the White House.