Tom Dwan has been flying under the radar of the poker world for a few months now. Until recently, he’d been spotted so infrequently that his life was rumored to be a spin-off of “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.”
Dwan was recently spotted at the Poker King Club in Macau and just as quickly vanished from the public eye. Is he simply focusing on live games or has he gone busto? Rumors abound as to what’s happening with durrrr and today I delve into a few of the theories on where in the world is durrrr.
He’s Hanging with Bradley C on FanDuel
According to my sources close to FanDuel, Dwan heard about Bradley C’s massive haul and decided that he would dive into Daily Fantasy Sports.
It’s been a mutually beneficial relationship from what I’ve heard. Bradley C. has taught durrrr to win about $400 weekly at FanDuel and he’s taught Bradley C. how to bluff with 9-high.
The Cullens Moved Out of the Country
We all know that after a certain period of time the Cullens have to move on because people start to get suspicious of the family that doesn’t age.
Also, there were too many complaints from production companies that had to ensure there were no ultraviolet lights in the room because of the strange sparkling effect they seemed to have on him.
Poker pros should not sparkle!
Tom Dwan is Heading to the WWE
If you’re a fan of professional wrestling, then you know that John Cena recently lost the United States title and that he is taking a few months off from wrestling.
While he claims that it is for personal reasons, I have it on good authority from JBL that the real reason Cena is taking time off is to train Tom Dwan to be a pro wrestler.
Why isn’t he going to NXT you ask? That’s what happens when you pay Vince McMahon $10 million up front to become a wrestler.
Dwan isn’t trying to duck Jungleman for the durrrr challenge. He just used his bankroll to become a WWE Superstar.
We’re not sure which gimmick that Dwan will use once he starts his WWE career but it has to be better than the New Day.
There are talks of having him come in as a tag-team buddy/partner for John Cena and have him turn heel within a couple of months.
However, knowing fans dislike of Cena, this could actually become a face turn.
There’s also talk of teaming him with Paige. With their blindingly white skin, they could simply blind their opponents into submission.
Some have claimed that Tom Dwan’s style of play is “not of this world” and that got us to thinking. Maybe that’s what why he has vanished.
Perhaps Dwan was a poker refugee from Xanthanios Polyidunnowherethisis. After overloads executed everyone involved with poker on Bloody Monday, poker refugees fled to earth.
Dwan was a young boy and was able to assimilate into the culture with ease. However, over time he developed a desire to return home and rediscover his roots.
The people of Xanthanios Polyidunnowherethisis were smarter than our federal government and decided that it was wrong to persecute those that love poker and ultimately reversed their decision banning the game. Dwan hear of this decision earlier this year and decided the time was right.
Tom Dwan phoned home.
Tom Dwan Joins the Power Rangers
Certain “anonymous sources” close to Saban Entertainment recently emailed me a payroll printout that listed a T. Dwan as a cast member on a future incarnation of the Power Rangers franchise.
All that they will tell me is that he was originally brought on a female stunt double but they needed a “goth-like mentor” for the series.
Recent incarnations of the program have seen the mentors also serve as Power Rangers and I’ve been told it is “highly likely” we will see Dwan in spandex at some point during the season.
Durrrr Durrrr Power Rangers!